so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
