the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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