who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
