And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
