I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
worst night to have a conscience
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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