i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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