i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
