Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
