I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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