Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
