the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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