Walk of Shame. In a state park.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
