Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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