Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
