Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
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So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
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We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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