It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
