It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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