I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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