Small penises have feelings too.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
