Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
