I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
