Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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