so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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