just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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