I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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