the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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