no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
