I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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