Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
