you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
