omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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