my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
