You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
