I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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