I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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