what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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