Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
