Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
you're hired as official boob wrangler
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
