I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
