operation harelip BJ is a go
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
