I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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