i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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