i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys