I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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