The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
