is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.