just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
