I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.