I wish my penis had an off switch
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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