I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
