We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
