I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
