i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize