Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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