totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
