That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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