In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
