I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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