she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
