I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
