am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
