I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
