He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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