wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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