I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
