Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
