he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
