Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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