I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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