Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
